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Lessons Learned From Loss

I wonder if we can do a quick survey: Is there anyone here today who has ever lost something?

I’m not talking about losing your car keys, or losing a cricket match – I’m talking about the type of loss that really hurts …

I’m talking about things like losing your job, or your business failing…

Or maybe a relationship that ended, when you thought that she really was the one for you…

Or it could be a dream that you’ve had for your life, that God just doesn’t seem to be fulfilling…

Maybe you’ve lost a loved one due to an accident or illness…

Or you might have lost a child in a different way – a child who’s left home and no longer follows the Lord or the values you taught when they were growing up in your home…

I think it’s safe to say that almost everyone here today has had some kind of encounter with loss and disappointment … maybe some of you are even dealing with it right now …

In fact, if you talk to people anywhere, you’ll find that the experience of losing things that really matter to us, of life throwing us curve balls or hitting dead-ends, seems to affect everyone at some point in their lives.

Interestingly enough, if you read the Bible, you’ll find the same thing – just think about Moses, Abraham, Paul, Naomi, Job – all of these and more had their fair share of sorrow and loss in their lives.

Now, before you get really depressed after that rather gloomy introduction, let me tell you what I’m going to be talking about today – the title for this article is “Lessons Learned from Loss”.

And what I want to focus on today is exactly that – what is there that we can learn from the experience of pain and loss that seems so common to so many of us, and what (if anything) can we gain from going through these times of challenge and trial?

Let me start with a look at the life of one of my favourite men of Scripture – Joseph – to see what we can learn from his life and his losses.

If you’d met Joseph as a youngster, you’d have thought, “Here’s a young man with everything going for him…”

Joseph was born into a well-to-do, well-respected family; he was the favourite of all his father’s children; and he’d had a dream from God that one day everyone would bow down before him.

And then one day, almost in the blink of an eye, all that he had, as well as the bright future that was promised to him, was taken away!

In a plot to get rid of Joseph, his brothers sold him to slave-traders who took him away to Egypt. The brothers told their father that Joseph had been killed by wild animals while he was looking after the flocks, so Jacob never even went looking for his beloved son.

And in Egypt, Joseph’s life went from bad to worse … sold as a slave to the captain of Pharaoh’s guard, Joseph was later wrongfully accused of sleeping with Potiphar’s wife, and thrown in prison. He was in prison for more than two years before he was granted a reprieve.

And only then were Joseph’s childhood dreams realized, as he became the Pharaoh’s second-in-command over all of Egypt. He even went on to save his father and his family from starvation when a famine hit the entire region.

There are so many lessons we can learn from the life of Joseph, but I want to highlight just one thing that will encourage you when God seems to have forgotten you, when you feel like your prayers will never be answered – and that is that God’s timing is not the same as ours.

We’d like to believe that life should follow a straight, fast and even trajectory to success if we hear God’s voice, obey God’s Word and live a righteous life.

But Joseph’s life is testimony to the fact that God is less concerned with our immediate satisfaction than He is with the long-term development and improvement of our character.

So be encouraged today – if you’ve been praying about something for a long time and God still hasn’t answered you; or if you seem to be stuck in a situation, maybe at your work, that isn’t really changing and you can’t see the way forward … God is at work in your life, in your circumstances, just as He was when everything seemed at face-value to be going so wrong in Joseph’s life.

In Joseph’s case, his 13 years of slavery and imprisonment gave him the time he needed to learn the Egyptian language and culture, and also to understand Egyptian finance, agriculture and politics – all in preparation for the position God had in store for him as Prime Minister of Egypt.

Could God have made His promise to Joseph come true much earlier? Of course He could have!

Would that have been the best thing for Joseph and for the Israelites? No, definitely not!

Was God in control and He did He have a plan that Joseph wasn’t aware of at the time? Oh, yes!!

Imagine if, in a time of frustration or uncertainty over where your life is going or where God is taking you, rather than saying, “God, when am I going to get out of this?”, you could instead ask, “God, You’ve obviously got me here for a reason – what do You want me to learn during this season of my life, so that I can serve You well?”

And then, wait on God’s timing to release you at the perfect moment, into the perfect opportunity.

The second example of loss that I want to look at from Scripture is from the life of Jeremiah.

I don’t know how much you know about Jeremiah, or his life? It’s a fascinating story.

Jeremiah served God at an extremely difficult time in Israel’s history, and during his lifetime he experienced huge disappointments and personal tragedy.

His ministry as a prophet was extremely challenging, as God gave Jeremiah the message to proclaim that judgment was coming, and that the people of Israel had better repent before it was too late.

As a direct result of his prophecies, Jeremiah was rejected by his own family, and eventually the entire nation turned against him.

In the end, Jeremiah witnessed the nation of Israel being overrun by the Babylonian army, his people carried off into captivity, and the city and temple he loved being completely destroyed when Nebuchadnezzar burned Jerusalem to the ground.

Put yourself in Jeremiah’s position for a moment …

Do you think he would have been justified in feeling let down … heartbroken … maybe even ready to call it quits and say “”No thanks, God, no more prophecies for me!”…

But not Jeremiah!

Jeremiah served God and the people of Israel faithfully for more than 40 years, never once compromising in his loyalty or his message.

Many people who end up in similar positions die bitter and broken, angry at God and the world for the way their lives turned out.

One of the greatest lies our enemy, the Devil, whispers to us when we face disappointment is that God has failed.

You prayed, you read your Bible, you went to church on Sundays, and still you weren’t healed, or still you were retrenched, still the disappointment came.

Does this mean that God has failed?

Or does it mean that you have failed God?

Not at all!

It takes faith to believe it in the midst of a trial, but God is still on the throne, and He is going to accomplish His wonderful purposes in our lives, if we will let Him.

Romans 8 verse 28 says it this way: “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

And how the life of Jeremiah proves this to be true!

In the midst of his trials and disappointment, Jeremiah continued to bear witness to the Lord, and by his preaching and living out the Word of God, Jeremiah pointed others to God.

And not only in his lifetime … Quickly, can anyone here quote a verse from the book of Jeremiah?

Exactly! Today we have Jeremiah’s writings contained in the Bible to guide our lives, and to encourage and build us up, because the prophet remained faithful to God, even when no reward or honour came to him while he served.

That’s the lesson I believe we can take from the trials of Jeremiah’s life – God builds our characters in and through the disappointments of life; but over and above that, God uses our trials to give us a witness – a testimony to God’s faithfulness to us, that we can share with a world in pain.

In God’s hands, our disappointments are opportunities to grow our maturity and our ministry.

Hebrews 12 verses 1 – 2 tells us this: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before Him He endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

The third character I’d like to share some lessons from is not found in the pages of the Bible…

If you don’t mind, I want to share with you some of the lessons God has taught me, in and through my experience of loss.

In my marriage, my husband and I went through two miscarriages, and struggled with infertility for 10 years.

And, if I’m totally honest with you, I did not handle those losses easily at first. I was angry at God, as much as I was disappointed in Him.

Have you ever faced a loss or a trial in your life that made you question what on earth God is up to?

The questions I asked Him, as we faced negative pregnancy test after negative test, went something like this …

Lord, you’re big enough to hold the world in Your hands, and strong enough to raise people from the dead – so why won’t You move mountains to help me?

Lord, Your Word says that by Your stripes we are healed – so why don’t You heal me and save our babies?

Lord, You said that all we need is faith the size of a mustard seed – but You haven’t answered my prayers, so does that mean my faith isn’t even that big??!!

God, I know You’re powerful enough to fix this – but You didn’t … does that mean that I don’t matter enough to You to help me?

I wrestled with God over this – and cried bucketloads of tears over this – for weeks.

And I did something else during this time, that I really recommend to anyone dealing with any type of loss or disappointment – I dug deep into the Word of God – meditating on it, dwelling in it, holding onto it …

Feeling like I was lost and alone, I clung to God’s Word like an anchor, and I searched it for some way to make sense of what had happened to me.

And, while I won’t pretend that I have all the answers, I can tell you that God spoke to me through His Word in a special way during that time.

I’d like to share 3 lessons that I learned from experience of loss and unanswered prayers …

Firstly, God doesn’t ever take anything from us just for the sake of taking, or randomly, on a whim.

God always takes so that He can give!

And the thing God wants to give you more than anything else is more of Himself!

I have been a Christian for more than 20 years, and I have a degree in theology – but I learned truths about God and His Word in those times of struggle and doubt that I had never heard or seen before!

As I spent time in prayer and reading my Bible, pouring out my heart and voicing my doubts and my sorrow to Him, He poured back into me, giving me comfort and a new understanding of His nature.

If you’re still in the middle of whatever trial you’re dealing with, I’m willing to bet that it’s because God has more of Himself that He wants to give you, that you can only learn inside the mess you’re in.

The second lesson I learned during this time is that while God never causes our pain, He wants us to cry out to Him in our pain, and that He longs to comfort us.

Please read Psalm 116 verses 1 – 7 with me:

‘I love the Lord, for He heard my voice; He heard my cry for mercy. Because He turned His ear to me, I will call on Him as long as I live.

The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the Lord: “Lord, save me!”

The Lord is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The Lord protects the unwary; when I was brought low, He saved me.

Return to your rest, my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.’

God knows that life hurts, and like a loving parent He knows that we need to go through those hurts or challenges to grow and to mature.

But He doesn’t turn His back on us, or leave us to our own devices during those times.

One translation of Psalm 116 says this in verse 2: “He bends down to listen when we pray…”

I can truly say that I experienced that – not a god who stood far off, watching, or a god who was afraid of my questions, or a god who was so high-and-mighty that my prayers had no chance of reaching him – but rather a God who bent down to scoop in His arms and wipe my tears away.

And because of that, as verse 7 says, my soul could be at rest again.

And the third lesson I want to share with you is this: We walk by faith, not by sight.

Of course, I knew this verse from 2 Corinthians intellectually before this experience – but in my heart, maybe I never really understood it fully…

When we’re dealing with loss, or sorrow or disappointment, we simply don’t know how it’s all going to work out. In our human understanding, we cannot figure out how God is going to fix the mess we’re in.

But what we do have is God’s Word, which assures us “My grace is sufficient for you …” and “The Lord is my Shepherd…” and “He will never leave you or forsake you…”

How do we reconcile these words with our confusion or frustration?

In Mark chapter 9 there’s a passage where a man asks Jesus to heal his son. I want to look at just verse 23 and 24 from that story: “‘If you can’?” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for one who believes.” Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

When you and I don’t have enough faith on our own to deal with the loss or disappointment we’re facing, like the father in Mark 9, we can ask God and He’ll give us the faith we need to overcome and to stand firm in the trial.

Hebrews 11 verse 1 says: “Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

I read this quote by Jennifer Ebenhack that helped me to understand this verse: “Faith is putting one foot in front of the other no matter how dark and confusing the journey. Faith is the moment-by-moment choices that prove that you’re taking God at His word.”

Through my experience of loss and apparent failure, I learned that faith doesn’t necessarily mean instant relief from our troubles – but it does mean that when I yield my life, my dreams, my relationships, my finances, my body, my worries, all of it, to Him, and give Him complete control, faith gives me victory in my situation, because Christ is working through my trials to bring about the fulfillment of His promises.




We may never grasp why, never figure out the purpose, or understand the plan.

We just can’t know … because of our limited and simplistic and utterly dependent view of our own lives.

But what we can do, is trust.

Trust that God has the Ultimate view. That in His Divine Sovereignty, He is in total control. That He sees what we can’t, and He knows what is best.

Because God really is the giver of ALL things.

Have you ever heard the saying “between a rock and a hard place”?

If you feel like that’s where you are now, like there’s a huge rock in front of you and you can’t see the way around it, or the way over it, or the way through it, the Lord wants you to know today that He knows … He has heard your prayers … He is at work in you, to give you a future and a hope.

In Psalm 81 verse 16 God promises that He will satisfy you with “honey out of the rock” … don’t be discouraged – you will experience sweetness out of the hard experiences of life, as God replaces your trials with triumph, if you let Him have His way in your life.

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